Right as Rain...

It seems crazy to me but I'm living it so I know it's true. Everyday I grow. I say some off the wall stuff, we all know that. Behind the scenes I'm over analyzing everything. On this mission to accomplish personal happiness, I've had to let things go & embrace new things. I've changed my ideas on things I thought I made my mind up about...
For example, Mr. B he's broken my heart, but he's the only man who knows everything... & when I say everything, I mean the secrets I can't tell myself. I've started to realize that anyone whose dealt with me consistently for the last 10 years deserves a place in my life. I've been drunk, high, retarded, judgmental, superficial & just plain evil at times, I realize that I'm a handful and frankly I wouldn't have dealt with the old me. I want someone better than him BUT his friendship has been greatly appreciated.
I don't close myself off from others to be seeked, I leave to formulate conclusions without outside influence.In the process of over analyzing myself I've realized that I crave monogamy most when I feel that nothing in my life is going right. That's really dumb and since a lot in my life is not going right, I'm forcing myself to think clearly. When I'm sad I let people get away with shit. Regardless of everything right now, I'm toooo happy. Also the longer I go without sex the easier it is for me to realize I don't care about too much too often.
Here's the point: I wonder how I grow so much. Everyday I come to a new realization about who I am, who I want to be, & what I want. I'm consistently honest & hilarious but my views on things change. I don't wanna be someone's girl. I want my own identity. I don't want to depend on my parents, I'm too old for that. I want a flat stomach & huge boobs (somethings never change). I love learning, growing and changing. I don't want pride. I'm happy to admit when I'm wrong it helps me grow. I'm not taking shit anymore, if I don't like it I don't need it. I LOVE my friends I don't need anyone else. I know who I want to be & nobody has to agree with that. I'm comfortable in my skin.. I don't even want dick & conversation... (if it's not from J)