Formal Letter of Resignation...

The day I thought would never come... But as time went on I said if we ever ended this would be our song. So it has ended. And this my final thought... Closure of some sort but not really, if you never get married you can't get divorced right...? What is a break up anyway? A reason to have make up sex? But I don't wanna make up this time. It's better that I leave...



Amy Winehouse- Tears dry on their own

All I can ever be to you,
Is a darkness that we knew,
And this regret I've got accustomed to,
Once it was so right,
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached,
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your way, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,
I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,
I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men,
So we are history,
YOUR shadow covers me
The sky above,
A blaze only that lovers see
I wish I could say no regrets,
And no emotional debts,
Cause that kiss goodbye the sun sets,
So we are history,
The shadow covers me,
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see,
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in you way,
My deep shade,
My tears dry

Right as Rain...

It seems crazy to me but I'm living it so I know it's true. Everyday I grow. I say some off the wall stuff, we all know that. Behind the scenes I'm over analyzing everything. On this mission to accomplish personal happiness, I've had to let things go & embrace new things. I've changed my ideas on things I thought I made my mind up about...
For example, Mr. B he's broken my heart, but he's the only man who knows everything... & when I say everything, I mean the secrets I can't tell myself. I've started to realize that anyone whose dealt with me consistently for the last 10 years deserves a place in my life. I've been drunk, high, retarded, judgmental, superficial & just plain evil at times, I realize that I'm a handful and frankly I wouldn't have dealt with the old me. I want someone better than him BUT his friendship has been greatly appreciated.
I don't close myself off from others to be seeked, I leave to formulate conclusions without outside influence.In the process of over analyzing myself I've realized that I crave monogamy most when I feel that nothing in my life is going right. That's really dumb and since a lot in my life is not going right, I'm forcing myself to think clearly. When I'm sad I let people get away with shit. Regardless of everything right now, I'm toooo happy. Also the longer I go without sex the easier it is for me to realize I don't care about too much too often.
Here's the point: I wonder how I grow so much. Everyday I come to a new realization about who I am, who I want to be, & what I want. I'm consistently honest & hilarious but my views on things change. I don't wanna be someone's girl. I want my own identity. I don't want to depend on my parents, I'm too old for that. I want a flat stomach & huge boobs (somethings never change). I love learning, growing and changing. I don't want pride. I'm happy to admit when I'm wrong it helps me grow. I'm not taking shit anymore, if I don't like it I don't need it. I LOVE my friends I don't need anyone else. I know who I want to be & nobody has to agree with that. I'm comfortable in my skin.. I don't even want dick & conversation... (if it's not from J)